Walking with monsters
by 116788
Summary: Something stirred, something was awaken. But she had to find out for herself whether that was a good thing or not...


_The truth is this,  
__every monster  
__you have met  
__or will ever meet,  
__  
was once a human being  
__with a soul  
__that was as soft  
__and light  
__as silk._

_Someone stole  
__that silk from their soul  
__and turned them into this._

_So when you see  
__a monster next,  
__always rememer this.  
__  
Do not fear  
__the thing before you.  
__Fear the thing  
__that created it  
__instead._

_-Nikita Gill_

* * *

Tonight was different. Much more different from the other nights. She could feel it deep down in her loins, something stirred, something was awaken.

Dinner had been simple, like it had been for a long time. Just the two of them, cooking soup above the old familiar hearth. Soft flickering of flames that cast curious shadows along the walls. Neither had really spoken, just stolen glances at each other. Eyes darting back and forth, silver spoons scraping over the plates. A peaceful evening under a cloudy sky.

After four rounds of losing chess, she retreated to the library, picking up the massive book she started with the week before. Nestled on the couch, she tried to focus on the words but found herself reading the exact same sentence over and over. Kept glancing at the door, as if expecting him to enter any minute now. Usually she would be too engrossed in her book to even hear him come in, only realising he was seated next to her when he started snoring, deeply asleep.

The clock kept on ticking, and she kept on waiting. Nervously. What for? She had no idea. Just that something was stirring.

Finally, he came, after thirty-six glances at the door. Not that she had counted. Slowly and steady, the doorknob moved and his image appeared. A gentle smile on his lips and trusting blue eyes gazing in hers as he approached. His head low, pace slow and calculated, muscular shoulders moving up and down while his tail behind him wagged to each side hypnotisingly. There was something seductive about the way he seated himself behind her. His breath on her bare neck left goosebumps all over her skin and made her shiver in anticipation.

She tried to focus on anything but him behind her, failing miserably. After a long inner debate with herself, she tried to subtly to lean back into him but was met with his hard chest sooner than she had expected. It caused her to gasp awkwardly. His deep chuckle answered. Wiry hairs wrapped around her neck like a scarf. Her breathing quickened when he bent down and inhaled her scent, growling deeply while a stray paw found her shoulder, nails digging into her skin.

"Belle," he murmured from behind, nose still nuzzling the crook of her neck. "Tell me to stop." His other paw fondled her thigh through her skirt.

She was at a loss for words, gasped when a calloused finger brushed over the bare skin of her knee. Craning her head, her eyes met with his and she felt her cheeks heat up under his burning gaze. She was only able to look at him, admiring every hair on his eyebrow, every crooked tooth behind his slightly parted lips and every fang that shimmered in the faint light of the hearth.

"Don't stop," she breathed heavily as she hooked her fingers behind his scalp, guiding him down onto her lips, taking the first step. Burying her fingers deep into his mane, relishing the sturdy, thick locks. He responded by deepening the kiss and gliding a paw along her upperarm, heating up the fire in her even more. Tongue running smoothly over her lips, coaxing her with his scent and asking for entrance. Earthy, musky and smokey. His smell was so unique and so comforting, she wanted to drown in it and never resurface. She allowed his tongue to enter after a quick tease, he immediately plunged in deep, sending fireworks to her loins. She moaned in bliss. Encouraged, he now fiddled with her skirt clumsily amd impatiently, almost wanting to tear the clothe off her body.

"Wait," she giggled in his mouth, still locked onto hers. "Wait let me help.."

She untangled her fingers from his mane and almost immediately missed the feeling. Reaching down to unhook the belt from her waist, she suddenly heard deafening noise as the skirt was torn open to reveal her chemise and legs underneath.

Coldbarevulnerable.

Cold. Bare. Vulnerable.

Cold.

Bare.

Vulnerable. Vulnerable. Vulnerable!

Cold air descending upon her naked skin. Sending a shock to her very core. Something groping her thighs and hips. A strange low humming that got louder and louder. Fog filled up her mind, disabling her to think clearly. Lost in confused thoughts that screamed at her. Yet not understanding what. She was forced to snap out of it when a forbidden hand touched her most private parts. Jerked away. Heartbeat sped up rapidly as it dawned on her. Tonight was different. And she realised why. Something had been stirred, something had been awaken. Her body had sensed it long before her mind had comprehended. Her breathing quick and irregular. Head swarming. _Please let it not be happening again,_ she pleaded silently as the groping continued. _Not now, not here!_

_His_ mouth was hard and unrelenting. Crushed her lips painfully as _his_ tongue aggressively prodded hers. Then, it was gone, started sucking on the supple skin of her neck. Her breast being squeezed roughly. She squirmed but he was stronger. Forceful hands made their way down quickly. _Dear God,_ she prayed when her legs were pushed apart. Frozen like a fish in ice, she felt herself losing all control over her body. _He_ took liberties and started unbuttoning her top as well. Almost ripping the buttons off. She laid there, drenched in cold sweat, unable to move, unable to yell, unable to resist. Shaking like a leaf in the storm, she wished she was anywhere but here. Anyone but _him_. Not _him_.

Hands were everywhere, burning deeply into her skin. A single tear left the corner of her eye. She let out a sob, not knowing what else to do.

"Belle?"

Her chest tightened painfully and she gasped for air. Oh God, he even sounded like _him_. Voice smooth and slick. Dripping with venom and acid. Burning a thousand holes in her already wounded heart. She thought she had forgotten that sound. Had erased it from her mind. But she would never forget. No matter how hard she wanted to. _His_ voice was engraved into her soul, like his touch. The ceiling. The chandelier. The golden swirls. She focused on the ceiling. Refused to meet his eyes. No, she couldn't meet _his_ eyes. She wouldn't confirm what she feared most. A dirty hand then cupped her jaw. Forced her to look at _his_ face. Hot bile rising in her throat when she finally did. Dead black eyes stared back at her.

"Please," she croaked, a lump at the back of her throat. "I can't, please, not again."

Ignored. _He_ ignored her. Chuckled and bent down. Dark locks fell on her face. That mouth back on hers, hard, forcing. Taking what was _his_. Unable to breathe. More tears left her eyes.

_If no one will fight for you, then fight for yourself._ She had read that once in a Joan d'Arc book. It was long ago. She didn't know why that particular line popped up in her mind, clear as crystal, drowning out all her other confused thoughts. Whether it be instinct or help from above, she didn't know. All she knew was that she had to get out of here, get away as far as humanly possible, as quickly as possible.

She mustered up all the strength she could find and pushed _him_ off balance slightly. Grabbing what was left of her skirt, she immediately scooted off the bed and bolted for the door. _He_ followed her quickly, ever so agile. _His_ footsteps heavy and thunderously loud.

She ran through the hallway, to the main entrance. Swung it open. Cold air. She welcomed it and ran into the night. Away from _him_. Away from _him_. All she had to do was get away from _him_.

The darkness draped over her like a cloak, wrapping itself around her small figure, almost suffocating her. Delicate feet smashed against the dirt and the leaves, scraping and bruising the bare skin. The cold wind ripped in her face but she welcomed any physical pain. She ran far and long, longer than she ever had. She knew he would follow her, _he_ always followed her. Chasing her like it was a game. But only to _him_. Her lungs still burned, her legs ached and sharp pains started bugging her sides.

Tree branches stretched low over her head, their sharp pointy fingers almost wanting to touch her, grab her and keep her. She ran for her life, away from the world _he_ had created for her, away from its dangers. Tried to outrun the darkness, refusing to slow down for even a second. Her breathing had become so laboured that she started feeling dizzy and disoriented, leading her to sway, occasionally colliding with bushes and trees. Recovering quickly, she kept on running. Lungs desperately sucking in as much air as they could, while she prayed to the Gods that _he_ would not find her.

But the Gods did not help her. And soon, she heard it, creeping in on her with rapid speed. _His_ boots hitting the earth steadily, _his_ chuckle sending cold chills all over her body.

Wheezing, she forced herself to speed up, feet so battered that any feeling had left them. Which was some sort of a blessing. Trees flew past her in a blur and she wasn't sure if she was actually going somewhere or if she was running in circles. Her name penetrated through the icy air. She ran even faster, willing every cell in her body to move, to cooperate. And just when she thought she had gained distance on _him_, a hand grabbed her by the elbow and yanked her back. Stopping her in the middle of nowhere. Trees blocking her escape. She started to panic, whirled around in circles, hair whipping in face. No exit. No exit. No exit!

The world span and her head swarmed. And the noise, that awful, dreadful noise. Humming so loudly in her ears that it made her dizzy and nauseous. Out of nowhere, _he_ suddenly reappeared, closing the gap between them. She held her hands in front of her warningly while backing away. "No! Don't come closer! Please."

_His_ form a sinister shadow in the night, ominous and threatening. _He_ chuckled cruelly. The hairs at the back of her neck raised in alarm. The strong humming continued if not louder.

"No! Stay away from me! Please…" She pleaded as her hands pressed down hard on her ears, trying to block the sound, the feeling his presence gave her, trying to block everything that defined _him_. Hot tears stinging in her eyes. The wall came crashing down, she couldn't hold it up anymore. Defeated, she broke down into crying. First it was soft, tried to keep it down. But it got louder as she lost all control. She howled in anguish into the night as her legs gave out under her. Dropped into the dirt like a stone. She didn't care anymore if _he_ got her or not.

All she knew was that she had lost. Again.

She didn't know when it had started to rain but the shivers announced the cold. And with the cold, she could feel their sharp pointy fingers withdrawing from her body, back into the forest. As if they were scared of it, scared of the holy water that poured down from the heavens. Cleansing her from their touch. Yet _his_ touch always stayed, a part of her forever. Always remindong her. Slowly the humming stopped and the fog in her mind cleared. She focused on her breathing and tried to make it even. Tried to make sense of the world again. She did not dare to look up, afraid of what might stare back at her.

So, she stayed in her position, forehead resting on her knees, rocking back and forth. A soft exhale next to her. Barely noticable, escaping into the cold night's air. Something tugged at her insides and eased her nerves.

Cold. Bare. Vulnerable.

Cold. Bare. Earth. Vulnerable.

Cold. Earth. Musk. Cold.

Cold. Earth. Musk. Smoke.

She smelled something.

Something earthy.

Musky.

And smokey.

_The Beast is here,_ her mind whispered. Then, she sensed his presence, overwhelmingly familiar and warm, despite the cold rain._The Beast is here, the Beast is here, the Beast is here._ Like a mantra she repeated it, as if to make sure that he was here and that he would stay.

"I don't blame you." He spoke, abruptly ending her train of thoughts. A hint of sadness at the end of the sentence.

Only then, she dared to look up and glanced in the direction of his voice. The moonlight shone through the clouds and slightly lit up his form, confirming it was truly him. She exhaled a breath she'd been holding for a while now. The soft silver outline of his figure was truly a welcoming sight in the otherwise pitch-black forest. Wet mane and dropped ears. That's how he sat next to her. A tail resting against her toes. Relief washed over her and the tension in her shoulders almost immediately left. He was here. He was really here.

And then she remembered that he had spoken to her, had said something.

"What?" She muttered, still slightly dazed and confused.

"I don't blame you." He repeated, a little louder this time. "You are scared of the beast. And you should be."

Her eyes widened when she realised which conclusion he had drawn. The humming returned. "No," she whispered. "No, you don't understand, I-"

"Oh but I do understand Belle, I do!" He rose to stand on his hind legs, towering high above her. "Look at me. I mean really look at me! Do you see me standing before you? A two and a half metre beast, complete with fangs and horns. Claws on each limb that could tear you apart in minutes. I know I am a monster. I am unholy. I am rude and selfish. I am uncaring and unkind. And I am dangerous, so very, _very_ dangerous. Because that's what monsters are, Belle! I am designed to be everything you are not, everything you fear, everything you hate!"

He paused for a second, breathing heavily. "But you were different, so I opened myself to you. I want you Belle, you know that. And I thought you wanted me too. Why, then why for the love of God would you ever lead me on, if you fear me so?"

His eyes pleaded with her, confusion and question all written over his face. His rapid breath created small clouds of smoke in the air. And for a split second, she thought he resembled a dragon. An ice breathing dragon. The image didn't scare her, if anything, she welcomed it, drank it in thirstily. She wasn't scared of him. Even if he towered over her so menacingly, she wasn't scared of him. Not him.

In 'normal' circumstances, every muscle in her body might have screamed for her to escape, screamed to duck away from his awful gaze and seek shelter. But this was anything but normal, and she welcomed the familiar pointy shape of his horns, the almost diamond shape of his face, those soft ears that stuck out slightly. And those eyes, those deep blue eyes. If she broke contact, it would be over for good. So, she kept staring back at him. That familiar tug again at her inside. Musky.

After a minute or so, his gaze changed, softened somewhat or maybe saddened. She wasn't sure what exactly she saw. The smallest flicker in his eyes, the turned down corner of his mouth, the slight crease between his eyebrows.

He continued, murmuring more to himself than to her.

"I am a beast. But I hoped that at least you could have seen me differently."

He sat down again, a good distance between them this time.

The quiet rain filled the tense atmosphere. She fidgeted, trying to form the right words as to not upset him. She was confused and still hadn't quite processed what happened in the first place. All she knew was that she had felt _him_ again, stirring up memories buried deep and long ago.

Somewhere in the distance, a bird flew up from the trees, squawking loudly as it flapped its wings profusely. She jumped, though she tried to hide it. Yet when she looked back into his eyes, she almost instantly knew that he knew. He could read her so well, knew her moods from just a single glance. He, who was illiterate, could read her. While she was totally unable to read him. And she hated it. She hated being out of control.

But she could be in control right now, if she just told him. If she just opened up to him.

"Beast," she spoke quietly into the dark. "You must believe when I say; it's not _you_ that I fear."

He was still, seemed to contemplate what she had said. Could almost hear the gears of his mind twisting and turning. Ears twitching indecisively. He glanced at her, scooted closer until his arm touched hers. Waited for her to continue, waited for her to tell him what she had meant. To tell him what was wrong with her. But she barely knew what was wrong with herself in the first place. Could barely comprehend what had happened that had caused her to flee. So how could she tell him? If she wasn't even able to form the right words to begin with? And truth to be told, she was scared. Scared out of her mind. Because he would take it the wrong way. He wouldn't understand. No one would.

A heavy weight on top of her hand, only then she realised she was trembling uncontrollably. Calloused fingers rubbed over her skin, soothingly, patiently.

"If even I don't fear you, then what greater monster is out there?"

He hit the spot, bull's eye. As if he had plunged a knife between her ribs, leaving her unable to scream or even to whisper. The fear, always the fear. The fear of greater fears. Endless loops. She had been jumpy, on edge and scared out for a long time now.

"We can whisper about the things that scare us." He muttered.

Here, in this forest in the middle of the night, after years of uncertainty and shame, was he; a creature ugly and brute in appearance, showing her that a beautiful soul still existed.

If he could be brave, then so could she. Showing a weak smile, she spoke her mind, trusting the right words would come falling out and trusting that he would understand somehow.

"I always thought monsters weren't real. That they were created to scare off children or to teach us a lesson about morals. I was never afraid of them, never."

With slender fingers, she massaged her temples, willing the upcoming headache to stay away. She thought long and hard about what she wanted to say next. Rocking back and forth, she continued.

"When I was little, I used to read a book a day. About anything really, fantasy, politics, history, romance. As long as I could keep myself busy with something. My parents had their hands full with the shop so I just sat at the back, reading the newly arrived books. It was heaven, really. I flew with the fairies, mixed potions with witches and helped noble knights defeat the monsters. Then, they would win the princess and live happily ever after while the beasts were locked away for good. Never to disturb anyone ever again."

"I used to think that we didn't have monsters in our world, that only animals and people existed. No evil demon, no fire breathing dragon or ugly goblin. But now I know that isn't true. Monsters do exist, they just hide behind human faces, pretending to be your friend. Pretending to like you, so you'll open up. Pretending to see you, when nobody else does. And when you finally open up, they'll mark you, put a chain around your ankles and watch you trying to walk. Waiting for the moment that you'll stumble and fall.."

A tear fell to the earth as she stared emptily into the distance, trying to squeeze the painful memories back into their box. Trying to still her aching heart.

"I thought monsters weren't real. But now I know better. I walk with a monster every day, but _he_ was there long before I had even met you."

Casting her eyes down, she suddenly noticed her feet, her naked, in dirt covered feet. And then she felt dirty. Very dirty. And no matter how hard or for how long it had rained, she didn't feel clean. She never did. And she never would.

As sudden as the rain had come, it had ended. Now, the wind had taken its place, softly stroking her bare arms with its icy cold fingers. She jerked back, didn't even mask her reaction because she knew he had seen it. He always saw. Carefully, he wrapped his cloak around her, shielding her from the cold, from the world and its demons. Slowly and gently, he turned to face her, seeking her gaze. When eyes finally met, he stared deep into her soul with the fairest intend.

"Belle," he whispered. "It's me. It will always be me."

He hadn't put his hand under her chin, he hadn't forced her to look up at him, he hadn't demanded she met his eyes. He had not touched her at all. Instead, he had sought for _her_ eyes, had placed himself in _her_ view. Patiently and silently, encouraging her to take the first step, to give her control of the situation. He humbled himself before her. Waited until she was ready to touch him, waited until she would seek out his comfort. A pang through her core when she realised. Shy and awkward, yet he had stayed with her through her worst.

Cupped her hand against his cheek tentatively, feeling the familiar rough hairs under her fingertips. It _was_ him. And it always would be. She smiled. Closed her eyes and nodded.

"Yes, it _is _you."


End file.
